Acquiesce
by KaadianSmear
Summary: I felt so stupid. I had officially caused something that was irreversible for the first time in my life. Regret was a foreign feeling for me, I always make the right choices, and usually shine with a confidence like no other. But right now as I was walking down the street well sated, I had my head hung low and I felt like I was caving in on myself. I felt very insecure.
1. One wrong choice

_Fairytales won't last, my friend_  
_ Every story has an end_  
_ All I once held dear has turned into something else_  
_ It's this part I'll have to play_  
_ witnessing it all decay_  
_ and that's what hurts the most_  
_ Oh, so inglorious  
_

_Kerbera- Inglorious_

* * *

_Mike's point of view._

_(Explicit, warning.)_

I tried to focus on the music thrumming against the walls of the residence that some house party was being held at. I happened to attend out of curiosity that had arose from being invited from a few different people. However I had only attended house parties once or twice throughout my goody two shoes life, so I was a bit of a novice. The atmosphere was still foreign to me, and I only used them as an escape from stress. I was a _really_ good guy, and being the-I quote _bad boy,_ is rare for me. My popularity is still in the heights, however I wouldn't say I had many friends. As of lately I've felt distant from a lot of people, and I think people just kept me around because I was an attractive face with a wealthy life. Well, that's what people tell me anyways. But when I look in the mirror, I just see me. An average boy, with pale skin. And I believe the only reason I even get invited to house parties is simply because people like to toy with me. They each wanted to be the first person to see me fall off my wagon of good, and be caught being a raunchy teenager. They try to get me drunk, and see what I might do. I'm a light weight because I don't actually drink, so it takes just a few shots to get me down.

No one has ever seen me as a raunchy teenager yet. I am very self aware, and know right from wrong. I'm good at saying no, and I don't like to be pushed around by the wrong crowds.

But, tonight something must have been off with me. Tonight, might be the first night I was ever acting lecherous and rather impertinent. I was having a hell of a time concentrating on any kind of party at the moment, which is the _one_ thing I actually came here for. The party didn't exist to me right now, and neither did the people in it. Why I was here was no longer relevant, and what was going on throughout the residence didn't matter in the least. The only thing I could even remotely care about was what was currently happening in my own company. Perhaps people had finally won, they had gotten me drunk and I'm doing something crazy. I'd like to think that, however no one but myself had gotten me into this room. I wouldn't even really label myself as drunk, I'd probably just say I'm bit tipsy. I was coherent enough to analyze the situation, and well enough to know that it was wrong. I was quite nervous with the fact that someone might witness my first odious teenage act. My heart was hammering in my chest, and my nerves were wrecked. I was so scared yet I was so intrigued while I was locked lips with someone I barely knew. I knew him enough to know that I loathe him, but not enough to even say his favorite hobby or animal. He was someone I had known since childhood, and someone I had hated to the point I couldn't stand being around him for a few years. That someone was Pete.

South Park's infamous red goth. This was pretty ironic. Because I was South Parks infamous obnoxious Vampire. But aside from that, there were two major things wrong here. For one, I was making out with another _man._ For two I was making out with someone I hate. I barely remember what was going on before hand, and how we ended up here in the first place. All I remember is sitting with a group as they were trying to get me to do some shots. I was willing to oblige, so why Pete came out of no where, and took me away was still a mystery. It was something that will probably be on my mind later on, when everything wasn't so surreal.

It was hard to concentrate when you were focused on sucking face, however it had gotten even harder to concentrate when the shorter of us had descended to my neck to give it a nasty rough suck, that mine as well have been a bite. I hissed my response into the air, but it wasn't even heard. The noisy outside community was muffling anything that was going on in our closed little space. The world was soaring past us, just outside of these walls. It was going by as normal as a house party can be, with it's loud repetitive music, and drunken idiots stumbling around starting arguments. It was typical. Where as inside here, in this little lone room we had occupied upstairs, time seemed to have froze for us. We could heard everything but even that was becoming vacant. I was against a wall and being the instigator of the events at hand. He may have initiated it, but I was just as guilty.

This was forbidden, this was_ wrong_. But It was feeling _so_ right. But the logical part of my light weight mind was hazy with the small amounts of alcohol that I had consumed before hand. It was leaving me with nothing much to fight with. My judgement was horrible. I had my hands fisted into the messy array of rich obsidian locks in front of me, with its tagged trademark of a dark crimson smear. The boy who was now sucking at my collar bone seemed to be just as lust driven as I. He had his hands running along my chest, and I didn't even notice when one of them slinked down and dipped between my legs, only until I felt a surge of heat flash through my abdominal area. I gasped, and pulled him up to kiss him even harder then we had begun. Our teeth crashed together, and his tongue had vanished into my welcoming mouth to take a tangle with my willing appendage. I knew I didn't want anything to happen, anything more then this. I knew if anything more then this were to happen, then it could potentially cause an entire hole to rip in our reality once we had realized what we had done. Or maybe we had already crossed the line? I wasn't even sure yet, but I know that eventually both he and I would be angry with ourselves, no doubt about that. With that knowledge alone, I couldn't even begin to comprehend why I was keeping this going._  
_

And while I was kissing the boy, I also hadn't noticed it had began to go farther as Pete's hand had undid the button on my black leather jeans. Lust was starting to take over now however, as my body had begun to get overly curious as to what to expect. My blood was rushing, and I was tingling in anticipation. And the first thing I noticed during my defeat was how the temperature of his fingers were a lot cooler when he dragged them along my happytrail to the waistband of my black briefs. They were warm, but perhaps the skin there was just that much hotter. Even my breath was coming in heated pants, and I had no idea what I should be doing with my own hands any longer. _"Fuck.."_ The goth had muttered I presumed to no one in particular. It was a mindless gesture, and I couldn't seem to detect how intoxicated he was. I knew I was only just a little bit hazy.

His free hand had began to crawl up my shirt. And it felt like it was leaving a heated trail that I couldn't see, but I was so happy it was there and it was causing my feelings to rush with even more excitement. And I would be a god damn liar if I had said I wasn't at full arousal by now. My body was aching to be touched, and there was no turning back no matter how much my mind would try to argue with me. In fact that entire part of my mind was gone and I sighed out my appreciation when the goth had dropped his hand into my jeans to create some glorious friction through the fabric of my underwear. His head had descended even further down as he left my neck, and I felt his slick hot tongue drag a trail of saliva down my center abdomen right down to my belly button. It dove in, and caused a trail of goosebumps to elict. It was a weird feeling, and I hadn't been expecting a gesture like that. But all my mind could think about was how close he was to the one place that was straining in my jeans.

He took hold of one of my hips with one of his hands, and applied a pressure that I had taken notice to. Was Pete going to suck me off? My heart began to hammer in my chest quite violently as his fingers took hold of the waist band of my underwear and jeans, and he planted a sloppy kiss just above them. It happened way to quickly as he yanked them down just enough to expose me. Embarrassment blowing up like a bonfire. I wanted to cover myself up instantly, while the cool air caused a large gasp to emit in reaction. I was exposed in the most intimate way, in front of someone I barely know! And I realized he wasn't going to be tender as his hand had grasped me at the base and he plummeted my length right into the heat of his mouth. My emotions were wrecked, I had no idea what to feel except for a raw pleasure. I sighed out, and my hand shot up to cover my mouth. My pleasure sounds were embarrassing me even more so, I wasn't familiar with this, and it felt so _good_. Everything was melting away, and nothing else existed in that moment except for Pete and I. I almost forgotten how to function, and my knees buckled as he sunk his head down deep, bringing me in his throat. "Fuck!" I cried out as my hands had left my face, to yank at his hair.

I was no where near familiar with any of this. Sex was foreign to me, and any feeling such as this were nothing I'd ever felt before.

I couldn't even think straight, and I didn't even care how I sounded anymore as the boy bellow me began to bob his head up and down creating such a delicious friction. My legs were tingling, and my heart was working overtime. There was a thick trail of drool and a mix of pre beginning to form a trail down his chin, which was causing me to worry about what kind of a mess we were going to make. Of course, that was way in the back of my mind. Everything felt too good, to really even comprehend any amounts of worry at the moment. My head was bowed down, and my hair was hanging in my face, strands were beginning to stick to the sweat that was beginning to slick over my forehead.

This was definitely not what a golden boy should be doing. Definitely not what a straight A kid should be doing. Definitely not what someone who's had a crush on a girl should be doing. This isn't what I should be doing. This isn't what should be happening at all. Yet my body was riding it out, and I had a primal need to fuck his throat. I was being vulgar, and I felt like I couldn't control it even if I wanted too. I was moaning and gasping on a regular basis, and muttering little words that didn't have any significant meaning. Mostly expletives and words of encouragement. These were things completely out of character, I was a gentleman and a polite person. I'm a reasonable and logical guy, and I was throwing that out the window as I was sputtering out sweet nothings. A pressure was building and I was _so_ close I was almost whining, but he pulled away and I immediately felt disappointed. I opened my eyes and he was looking up at me. I instantly wanted to cover my face. I didn't want him to see me like this. It was _awful._

Even just looking at him was such a lewd sight. My cock in the palm of his pale hand, while his flushed face was tilted up, to gaze at me through his messy array of bangs. I was too self conscious to look back once I had looked away. I took to nibbling on my lip as a distraction, I knew this whole scenario was going to mess up our entire reality, yet I was doing nothing to stop it.

"You look really adorable like that." He muttered in his soft stressed voice that had grown deeper and huskier over the years. At a time like this he said such things? I didn't even think I was drunk anymore. I think I had sobered up quite awhile ago. I had no choice but to look back down at the boy, to show him I had heard him. His eyes were blown with lust, and I was too nervous to directly lock our gazes. It felt deeply intimate to do so. And I gotten even more shaken when I began to notice his own arousal in his other hand. He had apparently been getting off with me. After knowing that, I felt like we had crossed the line. It was like as soon as both he and I walked into the waters of getting off with each other, I had to start questioning my sexuality. This wasn't normal! And I was about to open my mouth for the first time, and speak some logic, but he took that away by sucking at the head of my dick causing my body to shudder in response. The only thing that came out of my mouth, was a groan of satisfaction. His tongue had lapped at the slit, and it wasn't taking long for my sensitivity to begin coming to another build up. It only took a few more seconds of him dipping down and back up, while applying a delicious sucking that my orgasm began to simmer right back to the point where he left it earlier. I think he sensed it by the grip I had given his hair. And right after that I had tensed up, and my mind went blank

My entire body coursed with such an intense pleasure I could barely see straight. I cried out at the feeling, the waves washing over me like a steady tide. It didn't last long before I became numb, and could do nothing but whine while the feeling dwindled down. To my surprise he swallowed any mess that could have ruined this expensive carpet. My breathing was ragged, and when he pulled away I sunk down as my legs had given to my weight, whilst still tingling in bliss. In the heat of the moment I started to kiss him once more, and out of instinct-_jerk him off._ He wasn't expecting it, and he must have been doing it to himself for quite awhile before I, because it didn't take long before we had ruined the carpet anyways. It was definitely an interesting sight seeing him play through the throes of passion that I had felt just a few moments before hand. Then afterwords he and I just sat there, breathing in our heated air. I suppose we both needed some time to come down form any post orgasmic state.

But it was weird when the high had begun to go down. It was like everything was suddenly louder and I became more aware of our surroundings. The thrumming music was once again being acknowledged, while it was playing some shitty mainstream crap you would hear on every radio station every few hours. The teens were still bustling around outside and the arguments had seemed to become even more heated then when they started out. The world hadn't gone away, only my care had gone away in that moment. And the longer we sat there, the more I could feel the anxiety building in my mind. I needed to get out of that room, to breath some air away from the man who had just given me my first blow job experience. I feebly stood up to fix my pants shut, and he followed suit two seconds later. I was scared to be honest. And any tipsy feeling I had gone into that scenario with was gone, I was stone cold sober. And judging from Pete's movements, and ability of coordination, so was he. I wasn't sure what to say to him, or if I should talk about it or not. All I could do was sit in silence, because I was obviously the pussy of the two. I couldn't find my voice, where as he broke the quiet like a man. "Mike, what time is it?"

There was two things wrong with that statement. One, he had used my actual name. Two, there was absolutely no hostility directed at me like usual. I visibly tensed when he spoke, like the words had somehow assaulted me. I felt skiddish, but none the less, pulled out my phone to give him an answer. "2:30." I said simply. He nodded.

"I wonder how long this one will last before the police show up." It was my turn to nod. I couldn't tell if I was happy or even more shaken with the fact he didn't bring it up at all. I was still stuck wondering if I had wanted to discuss it or not. However I kinda didn't have a choice any longer as we both stood up, and left the room only to immediately part ways. Leaving it at that had left me to believe that this was never going to be spoken of again. And shortly after trying to mingle once more, I had decided that I was going to leave. There was no point in trying to act normal when your hands were still shaking. So I left without looking back, and I didn't say goodbye to anyone. I was actually in shock still. I was flabbergasted that I had let that happen. It was probably all my fault. And I probably made Pete hate me even more then he did. I wanted to apologize, but I also didn't want to bring it up. And the more I was thinking about it the more it made me sick to my stomach. How I was going to deal with this at school, I was not sure. I knew eventually I'd have no choice but to face him. And fate had it's funny ways of making things worse. A few weeks ago I had volunteered to be a tutor in his math class for an extra credit towards grad. And if I could tell the future I would have turned that down.

I sighed in frustration with my hands dug deep in my pockets. I wished life wasn't so stupid at times, and I wish I could turn back and make the right choice. To be honest it was feeling as if leaving it hanging was going to be worse then actually mentioning anything. But I just couldn't fucking do it. But maybe it was just tonight that I was feeling that way, maybe tomorrow I'd have the courage to speak up.

I felt so stupid. I had officially caused something that was irreversible for the first time in my life. Regret was a foreign feeling for me, I always make the right choices, and usually shine with a confidence like no other. But right now as I was walking down the street well sated, I had my head hung low and I felt like I was caving in on myself. I felt very insecure. My lips felt swollen, and my neck was bitten up-_oh the irony_. I knew for a fact that I looked pretty horrible. The worst of it all was how I was going to deal with this in the long run. I had fucked up, and I had fucked up bad.

* * *

**Oh Kaadian.. Why did you start out with smut? Well, I have my reasons _(Sure you do..)_ This is actually going to turn into something that isn't just smut. I plan to have lots of fun with this one! Feedback is appreciated, and I hope you enjoy.**


	2. Anxiety wrecked

_Monday's tomorrow. It's coming up quickly..._

That was probably the only line that was running through my mind for the past few hours. Time felt like it was moving way too quickly while I was safely not at school, being able to avoid some of my worst problems. It felt like one of those moments where you're having lots of fun and don't want it to end, and it always ends a lot faster then you'd like it to. But regardless of not having school until tomorrow, Monday seemed to be the only thing I could think of. And thinking about the inevitable always made it worse. Especially while I was arranging a batch of fresh cupcakes in our glass display, it made the task tedious. They ended up looking delicious and neat, like they usually do. All lined up evenly, colorful, and ready to be served. But the harder I tried to focus on work, the more I realized I was more focused on being focused. My stress of the other night just wouldn't shake. I was also kind of an eye sore standing here in this shop. I had a baby blue apron draped over the front of my dark wash clothing. My boss had let me keep my unnatural colored tips of toxic green. The color was actually something a lot of people disapproved off, but it actually suited me. It made my hazel eyes pop, or at least that's what girls have told me before. However it stuck out like a sore thumb against the pastel theme of this bakery. I was lucky to be allowed to keep it, all my boss asks is I tie it up since I haven't gotten a trim in quite some time. I often ask myself why I keep the green, but come up short with an answer. I don't even really like the color to be honest. I guess it's just been so long that I've had it, that it's a trademark now. But contrary to my usual attitude, today my dark attire actually suited my mood.

Earlier when we were baking the first batch of cupcakes, I had been nervous to even help. It was one of the first things I noticed with my offset attitude. My mind wasn't there and I didn't want to fuck up. My boss immediately picked up on my edge, however he never mentioned it-I just felt it. He was awkward, I also noticed the little signs he gave off, like how he was trying to be easier on me, and not harp on the little tasks that were lazily done. It wasn't hard for me to tell, after all, I fed off the life force energy. I've said it many times before. No one has ever believed me. And I suppose I'm fine with it, I've gotten so used to it. Just as I've gotten used to picking out the people I like to be around. You can call me a cultist I suppose. I do a lot of things that are questionable, and truly believe I am a Vampire. Therefor negativity is hard for me to handle. I need to be around a certain type of people. I am effected by peoples vibes, and so forth. However I myself am the very opposite of negative. So feeling like such a downer was completely foreign. It wasn't hard for the outsider to see that I was a bit sour today. It mine as well have been written on my forehead. My boss and I were both aware of it the moment I stepped in. He is usually a happy chubby man with no worries or doubt, but today he was nervous, and he didn't really want to bother me with much. All he asked me to do, was ice the cupcakes, which I did reluctantly.

I'm a perfectionist on a daily basis, but today, my icing job didn't come out as nice as it usually did. They weren't an eye sore or anything, I just could have put more effort into it is all. But worrying over my cupcake icing job was something on the back of my mind, it would have just put more stress on my plate. My constant worry and doubt was wearing me down. And it was only getting worse throughout the day. I had a lot I needed to be worried about, but I also had a responsibility right now. I was running the shop, and I wasn't supposed to be moping about. My cheerful atmosphere is what brought this shop alive, and I noticed the mood shift when our regulars had arrived to find that their usual uppity boy hadn't much to say or offer.

I tried my best with them, and they took my efforts with sincere smiles. But eventually I was getting used to acting fake, specially with the people who didn't know me. It was easier to get them to bite the bate. However I was _sincerely_ happy by the time my break rolled around. I was ready to take off for a bit and organize my thoughts. I needed some sort of snack, acting fake seemed to have drained me completely. I felt very fatigued. I hung my apron on the hook in the back, and gave a wave goodbye to my boss. I then began my familiar stroll through the South Park Mall corridors. It was usually at my break that my sweet tooth began to ache for sugars.

I was weak when it came to fighting urges. So, my first stop was going to be _The Sweet Factory_. That shop was like heaven, it sold luxurious colorful unique sweets, and the lady who usually worked there was sweeter then any of them I've ever tried. Call me corny all you want, but I really admire the lady behind the till. She was like something out of an artists sketch book. She had rich ginger hair that shone red under the sunlight, and a round rosy face dusted with freckles. She had a full figure, and was one the the happiest sweetest people I'd ever met. But when I stepped foot in there, and she greeted me with her usual pep, I felt guilty.

Something in my gut had turned, and it wasn't the usual feeling I get from her. It was something foreign. The same foreign feeling I'd been feeling since I left the party last night. Perhaps it was regret, or perhaps it was my mind telling me I didn't deserve peoples happiness after what I had caused. My anxiety was telling me that I was pretty scummy now._ I could believe that_. I'd rather not have the rest of the world know however. Specially the lady awaiting to help me with my transaction. I offered a meek wave as I gathered a bag to fill with my sugary obsessions. Usually the world was full of bright colors for me, and maybe I was imagining it but everything felt really dull right now. Like the millions of bright blues, pinks, yellows, and oranges were covered in a layer of thick dust. However wiping my fingers along anything wouldn't be enough to clear it away. All I could do, was shake the thought and tell myself I was imagining it as I routinely gathered my collection of sweets to ring up at the till.

To be honest, I wanted to ask this girl out last week. But I had promised myself that I couldn't do that until I at least learned what her favorite hobby, and color were. I like to be humble. Then on Friday of last week I found out she was into photography, and she adored the color teal. It lead to today being my opportunity. On Friday I could barely sleep with the excitement, but as she smiled at me today, and handed me my change, I realized I didn't deserve her. She deserved someone who was honest and didn't hold secrets from her. Someone who didn't stress release at house parties, or do things he ultimately regretted. She asked me if I wanted to see a movie with her tonight after I had gotten off, because we were actually kinda friends now. But I politely turned her down.

I had too much on my plate to be rewarded. She wasn't disappointed, just a little put off. But she was sweet, so she smiled at me, and said goodbye in her usual friendly atmosphere.

My lunch ended up being a baggy of sweets and a berry blast smoothie. It satisfied my hunger, but I was sure it wasn't something an over grown giant like myself should only be eating. A tall lanky man like me should at least have a meal. But I never usually eat, I just don't find the appeal. And right now, my hunger was definitely something that was vacant. I couldn't have an appetite when anyone who wore a pair of _Dock Martins_ caused my stomach to turn with the thought of that memory.. I didn't like feeling scared like this. Feeling like the next person might be a familiar face of pale skin with a scowl. It felt like I needed to be hidden constantly, it was mind blowingly out of this world for me. It freaked me out, even the color red was hard to look at. It reminded me of that hair.. _that hair that was.._

"_Mike!_ Is that you?" Her voice caught me in the midst of hearing my own heart beat. My blood rushed to my face, however I recognized her immediately. My childhood friend, someone who was near and dear to me. One of the ones who long out grew the vampire cultist stuff. She was formerly known as BloodRayne or before that Lynn, now I just call her Rayne. She's alright with it. It's even kind of caught on with others. I turned around and tried to give the brightly dressed girl the best smile I could muster.

"Rayne!" I held my arms up, and embraced her. Her perfume smelled sweet with our close proximity. She had feather brown hair now, and it was pretty tame and a bit longer then it used to be. She smiled at me as she fell in tune to my steps.

"You look like an even prettier boy with your hair tied up." She joked, however I completely forgotten that it was tied back. I just smiled at her and gave a shrug of my shoulders. "You left pretty early last night Mike." Her words caused my stomach to churn once again. _First thing just had to be about the party..._

"Heh, yeah. I guess if you call two am early." I muttered. Because it was around two that I left from what I recall. She ended up laughing.

"It's pretty early considering who was throwing the party. It wasn't shut down till five or so." I nodded. "And thanks for letting the lady who brought you know you were leaving." She pouted her shiny pink glossed lips at me. It was moments like that, that made me remember she used to be dressed in black with me. It seemed like a dream now. She was right, I guess I should have just let her know when I was done last night. However I don't even want to think about last night.

"_Awwwe,_ come on girl! Forgive me!" I laughed out, and poked her ticklish side all the while distracting myself once more from the past. She giggled out involuntarily, and pleaded that I stop as we ran around the corridors of the mall. I ignored her however, and continued to jab all of those spots I knew caused her to cry out in giggles. I had an advantage in height. I was 6 foot something now, so I towered over her figure like a monster, not to mention she couldn't run very far without me catching up. It was her cell phone that interrupted us, saving her the tickle torment. I stopped to let the girl breathe as her ringtone-_which was some dubstep song-_chimed through the bustling background noises of the over crowded shopping center. She answered it a few moments after as I stood and looked around absentmindedly at everyone passing by. Her conversation was in the back of my conscious as I pondered about how I was happy that the goths don't ever really visit the mall. It would suck to run into them here.

"Hey Mike?" She cut me away once more, as I gave her my attention. "Wanna come to a small get together next Saturday?" I couldn't help but laugh, which led the girl to raise her brow in question.

"We just went to a party." She nodded with a serious expression on her features, she apparently didn't get the hint. "I don't think so." I told her as I played with the fabric of my sweater. I'm still new with parties and alcohol. It wasn't something I wanted to jump for the chance to go too. Rayne was popular, and was often invited. Sure I was popular too, however it was different. But.. even the thought of a party made my heart hammer.. not again. I couldn't do that again. Not yet. She shrugged at my response. However as she spoke she kept my eye.

"Well, Mike's being a pansy. He said he's already been to one so he's not going." I rolled my eyes nice and slow and scowled at nothing in particular. The drawl in her voice was taunting. She always did this kind of stuff, and to be honest it was hard to really see who's side she was on. she was a good friend, yet she would also turn on me if it was the right person. It's happened before with this guy she liked. One moment we were friends, next moment he paid attention to her she didn't know me. She apologized, but it was still not cool. So I wasn't falling for that taunt. I'm not going to another party. Try as she might, she couldn't convince me.

So I let my vision flow through the different crowds of people rather then my peer pressuring friend. She really wanted me to go, and I really didn't want too. Or rather, couldn't. Besides, if it was just another way for people to make a fool out of me, I'm afraid they might achieve it more then they already have. It was to risky. It didn't take long until she was off the phone, and we continued out parade around the mall before I had to head back to the sweet cakes I work with. She walked me back, and kissed my cheek goodbye. My boss has seen her before, and already knows she isn't my girlfriend so he doesn't bother asking. It was easy to fall back into the rhythm of work. Serving one customer after another, acting as charming as I possibly could. The next few hours didn't seem as bad as when I started. However I was excited to clock out and head home. I was offered a cappuccino cupcake that was leftover that I happily took, and enjoyed on my way out of the mall.

* * *

Relaxation was hard to come by with homework and studies. Having a job made it worse, it constantly ate up my time. I didn't need a job, but I wanted the experience. Mom and Dad are never home anyways, so hanging around my mansion-_as people call it_, isn't exactly fun to do alone. My job got me out. However my shift today was long, and it took hours before I was able to lay in bed. The darkness was something I really liked. It usually lulled my mind to reel down for the night. However I was having a hard time doing that with the thought of what I had to face tomorrow-_the dreadful Monday morning_. Tests, due dates, people, and Pete. Most didn't matter except for the goth. The goth was all that mattered in the long run. Tests and everything else that usually run me down felt like a walk in the park. It made me think about how I'd rather deal with millions of those any day rather then social stress. So I decided, for this night only that I was going to try and convince myself that that memory was just a shitty dream. It took awhile, but I did an alright job I guess, because I fell asleep soon after.

However falling asleep on that note was a bad idea, because my dreams were lucid and all related to him in one way or another. All of which where about me and him. All of which were horrifying in their own way. It ranged from where he was telling the school lies about what really happened, and getting me in trouble. Others where about his friends and he cornering me in an alley and putting me in my place. But one of them stuck out more then the others. It was longer.. and a little more memorable and realistic.

Pete was sitting on my bed, with a blade in his hands. He was beckoning me over, to which I obliged slowly, crawling on my knees. It felt _so_ real. The boy was in nothing but a pair of tight jeans. And as I got closer, he had brought the blade to his wrist, and made a long slow incision. My eyes were taking in his efforts, and not once did he flinch. My body began to heat up, and his wrist began to seep that beautiful color. That riveting thick crimson. It leaked out in tiny droplets at first and contrasted on his porcelain pale skin. He watched my every move as I crawled so close I pressed my face against his chest. He was warm, and I could feel his heart beating fast. His hand had landed on my cheek soon after, and I found my eyes tracing along the dribbles of blood. I also noticed the scars. They ran up his arms, and I felt a pang of sadness. Even as I looked up at him, his eyes were hard to hold as they gazed at me with a yearning expression. They were glazed over almost like he wasn't there. I expected him to cry, but he didn't. Then, it felt so real as I dragged my tongue along his bloodied wrist, and let his flavor fill my senses. My body tingled with delight. And I lapped at it again, as his other free hand ran along my back. I ended up sucking at the wound as the boy pressed his head against mine, relishing in the feel of a sting I could only imagine.

It was a weird dream to have. And it was even more puzzling when he pulled his arm away, and I realized his wound was gone. There wasn't even a scar. I sat up, and I swear I could still taste the iron rich substance. It was there, and I knew it. When I wiped my mouth, there was even still a trace of red that smeared across my hand. I didn't question it however as I sat gazing at the boy in front of myself. His eyes hadn't changed, but his lips wore a smile I had probably conjured up out of thin air, because I've never seen him smile before. _"You look really adorable like that.." _

It was that moment, I jolted awake. My heart was fluttering in my chest. Everything was fuzzy as I looked around my bedroom. No one else was here, and I had to remind myself that Pete was just in my dream. He wasn't actually here. I was shaken up, and sleep was a vacant memory. I got out of bed, and got ready for school hours before I had too. The sun was barely visible on the horizon, but none the less I sat at the kitchen island with a glass of juice, my raging thoughts, and a cold sweat. This was so bad, this worry is a torture. I know for a fact, that this isn't going to settle, especially with the thought of not talking it over. I _needed_ to talk to him about it, or I was going to drive myself into the wall. I was wrecked, and I couldn't deal with it anymore. The worst part of it all, was the fact the Pete might be completely fine. He might not even give a crap, and that would literally just leave me being the pussy about things. Why does it always have to be me? I always fuck myself over. I'm done, parties are done for me. That was it, it's not worth it. The stupid thing is how I'll probably lose friends over that decision. But if I make stupid choices like that while barely intoxicated, then it's not worth the burn of horrific worry and stress.

It was _wrecking_ me..

Time was ticking by painfully, and every click lead me to feel sick. It wasn't long before I had no choice but to turn the stereo on loudly, and drown out my worries with the charming beat of the classic band, _Blink 182_. I decided to clean the kitchen with the last few hours before school. It calmed my soul, and I was smiling and singing along before I knew it. The smell of lemon citrus was clogging my senses lovingly, and it gave me a false security blanket. School was only in an hour or so, so I enjoyed my time while I could.

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**Thank you for reading, and thank you for the reviews! I have major plans for this story, and promise to finish it eventually.**


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